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Confucker

You should have done the right thing ten years ago. You morons.


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You Windows users sure are stupid. You're lame. You behave like sheep. Put you together in a group and you lose all intelligence. None of you can think. None of you can do a thing.

Which of course is the perfect situation for Bill Gates. He already dominated the PC market before the web and before everybody went online. Today the great humanitarian crook sees punters getting clobbered left and right but he doesn't give a shit.

And why should he? If you're that stupid - don't you deserve what you get?

Of course you do. But the rest of us don't deserve your collateral damage, you morons.

Confucker

Confucker is the biggest worm outbreak in nearly ten years. Of course it only clobbers Microsoft Windows. No worm outbreaks clobber any other system. Never have, never will. No viruses attach themselves to executables on any other system either.

Microsoft Windows is the only system that suffers from malware. You know it, everybody knows it, yet you keep on using the shit? Are you fucking crazy?

Confucker has many names. As do the most evil things on the planet. For example we have many words for you: morons, fucktards, imbeciles, fuckheads, mouthbreathers, Windows losers. And so forth.

One of the names for this new worm is Conficker. This is 'germanic' for 'configuration fucker'. That's one of the things Confucker does. Fucks Microsoft Window configurations as you get the royal shaft yet again.

There are good descriptions of Conficker online. Delving into them reveals not only how the Conficker works but just how stupid you are.

How Confucker Works

Confucker's a computer worm that surfaced in October 2008. It exploits a known vulnerability in the Windows Server service. It attacks Windows 2000, Windows XP, Windows Vista, Windows Server 2003, and Windows Server 2008. In other words just about every bloody pathetic product Microsoft put on the market.

Confucker spreads through a buffer overflow vulnerability. Meaning someone at Microsoft wrote some pretty crappy code. Confucker uses a specially crafted RPC (remote procedure call) request to execute code on the target computer.

Microsoft use a lot of RPC. Depending on your Windows version almost all your communications and especially your security stuff will be using RPC. Microsoft really love RPC. They're not too good at it but that's another matter.

The Attack

When Confucker breaks through on the RPC request it starts disabling crucial system services. Services such as Windows Automatic Update, Windows Security Center, Windows Defender, and Windows Error Reporting.

Stop right there, you might say - if you've had any experience with a 'real' operating system that is.

Windows Automatic Update: that's how Redmond can deliver new (virus free) software to your computer. Windows Security Center sure sounds like something to do with computer security, right? Windows Defender - that's Microsoft's own pathetic antivirus suite they bought from some other company because they're too stupid to write it themselves. And Windows Error Reporting - it sounds like a service that reports errors!

So OK - so what are they doing allowing these important system services to be fucked over without privilege escalation? How come malware can come in with no login authentication, much less superuser authentication, and simply take over a machine and disable all its defences?

Can you see where this is heading? Can you imagine you're living in ancient Troy and one day there's a knock on the kitchen door and the visitors say 'Hi! We're the enemy! Can we come in and disable your defences?'

And then Bill Gates appears out of nowhere and tells you 'Yeah sure! Let 'em in!'

Or say Conficker corrupted an escalated process - then why were there no further barriers in the system? What kind of stupid system has a single line of defence and none other? What kind of stupid system runs critical exposed processes at such a level?

Do you finally get it, you cruddy spineless Windows idiots? Windows has no defences - and you have none for using it.

Continuing the Attack

It's a rout. With this kind of access to a hopeless system like Windows and with the world as your oyster it's only a matter of picking the best morsels from the buffet. Confucker goes on to connect to one of its servers to download additional crap onto your computer and attaches itself to really important processes such as svchost, explorer, and services.

Svchost runs just about everything going out from your computer. It's one of those brilliant ideas by Microsoft that's been corrupted mercilessly ever since its inception. Malware can attach itself and sneak out of your box and 'phone home' and you can't detect it. Another great idea from Microsoft Corporation.

Explorer is your default 'shell' and if something bad gets in there, Bubba, then you're fucked. Really fucked.

Services is the driver and services manager in Windows. It controls really low level code - crucial shit that basically owns the box. If you can get malware in there you should have your product taken off the market and banned.

Bride of Confucker

There's a new enhanced version of Confucker out there. This one downloads new copies of Confucker and resets the system restore points. Which is especially cool as after this you've got nothing to back up into.

There's also a brute force dictionary attack involved - Confucker goes after all the computers your computer is connected to and tries to fuck them over as well.

MS ActiveDamage

As with all acts of stupidity there's a price to pay. And you Windows imbeciles are forcing everyone to pay it.

  • There are close to 20,000,000 computers infected with Confucker at time of writing. And it keeps spreading.

  • The Confucker botnet is one of the largest in the world. This is where your spam will be coming from in the near future - from infected Windows machines.

  • The MoD in the UK got totally clobbered because those imbeciles kept using Microsoft Windows.

  • The Sheffield Hospital network in the UK got knocked out - with patients under the ether being operating on.

  • The French air force got grounded because their bloody fighter planes were running Microsoft Windows and got clobbered by Confucker.

  • The UK Royal Navy got knocked out - warships and even submarines were running that shit known as Windows and got fucked by Confucker.

  • By all accounts this is the worst and most damaging worm outbreak since SQL Slammer in 2003.

You Sure Stupid

You sure are a lot of stupid people. One would think SQL Slammer would have lit a fire under your arses. That was back in 2003 - six years ago - but you morons haven't learned a fucking thing.

But 2003 was a full three years after ILOVEYOU hit in May 2000. And as that followed on the heels of the infamous Melissa from a year earlier most people with any brains didn't need any longer to figure out what was going on and get the fuck off Windows.

But you're still on it. And there's only one explanation for that. You morons.

You're Accountable

Contrary to what you may think: running that shit called Windows isn't your business alone. It affects others as well. To a high degree. You Windows imbeciles are solely responsible for the deplorable condition of the Internet today. And none other. You're accountable for that. You and you alone.

Bill Gates may sell the shit but you don't have to buy it. You - and not Microsoft - are the ones to blame.

You fucking idiots.

See Also

Normally an article here of this type will provide a bibliography so you idiots can learn a thing or two. But not this time. Ten years of your shit and the rest of us have had it.

You do your own fucking research, you fucking morons.

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