|Home » Industry Watch » The Technological » Hall of Monkeys
HoM is getting SRO.
There are, anno 2009, a few bastions of utter ignorance that remain on the Internet. The parallel to Japanese soldiers in the late 1950s who didn't know the war was over is dramatically accessible. These people still use MS Office to compose their essays and they've heard of (but not yet tried) blogging, Digg, Google, and above all Unix. They dream of backslashes. As in *C:\Program Files*.
Perhaps no such time warped enclave is worse than TechRepublic. The TR people are snowed in like few others - so much so that John Dvorak can appear modernist in comparison.
TR mostly have a bunch of irrelevant shill posts in a category called '10 things'. Ten reasons Windows is great, ten reasons Windows isn't great, and so forth. One must continually remember that journalists even at techie sites don't get hired because they know anything about technology - all they need is a diploma in journalism (or a friend). One must continually remember they're the dumbest of the dumbest.
Here's a perfect example from TR's Kris Littlejohnson.
10 reasons why Linux isn't triumphing over Windows
'Linux has still been found wanting. There are a number of reasons why Linux isn't triumphing over Windows. I'm going to look at 10 of these reasons, some that apply primarily to servers, some to desktops, and some to both.'
You go, boy.
'1: Cost comparisons are often misleading'
Sure they are, Littlejohnson. Lock-ins to a platform that can't be secured are nothing compared to the prospect of running a universally accepted OS with open standards and nonexistent costs. Another win for Microsoft.
'2: Expert talent is more readily available'
Bingo again - what are a bunch of Unix geeks compared to MCPs?
'3: Linux isn't actually trying to compete head-to-head'
True. Linus himself said the demise of Microsoft would be but a happy side-effect. Besides: who wants to compete with Redmond anyway? Isn't one totally crappy operating system enough?'4: Windows offers familiarity and ease of use'
Too right. Where's Ctrl-Alt-Delete on Ubuntu? Enough said.
'5: More software is available'
Uh - not really. There is more good software available in open source. Kris Littlejohnson needs to get out more.
'I can't imagine being stuck without Microsoft Office for long.'
Oh brother. LOL WTF. Now you should know what company you're in. But read the following gem and remove all doubt.
'Now of course much of our favourite Windows software can be run using an emulator such as Wine, or on a virtual machine running Windows - but if we find ourselves doing that all the time, why use Linux in the first place?'
'Our favourite Windows software'? Ouch. Why use a sandbox? This guy's seriously dumb. Even Dvorak's got more potential.
'6: Windows Vista is just a bump in the road'
Some bump. More like a land mine. More like the inevitable writing on a brick wall, Littlejohnson.
'Windows Vista was like the growing pains experienced by a teenager when he starts to, well, grow.'
Great logic and writing style. These be classics no one can manage without.
'7: Windows 7 is faster'
Sure it is - it might take 32 gigabloats on disk but it gets infected faster, hangs faster, crashes faster. Wins all around.
'8: Claims about open source don't stand up to scrutiny'
This is when you begin to realise he didn't get that name by accident. And that he's probably fellating Steve Ballmer too.
'Much of the hype about Linux is really more about open source development in general.'
True. The 'open source' that so scares Microsoft they appointed their Halloween Documents research team, funded SCO to attack IBM, robbed names off gravestones to start fake grassroots movements, paid people to infiltrate Linux forums, and so forth. It's hype alright - and Microsoft are scared shitless of it.
Now watch Littlejohnson open wide.
'Another claim is that Linux and open source software are more secure than Windows and Microsoft software.'
It's not a claim - it's a bleeding obvious statistical fact.
- Number of Windows malware bombs in the wild - 200,000.
- Number of Linux bombs in the wild - ZERO. NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. NONE..
'This is largely based on problems with legacy versions of Windows.'
Yeah right. Can Littlejohnson stuff more into that gaping hole?
'The last several years have seen a massive emphasis on security across the industry.'
Damn straight - people got sick and tired of Microsoft getting mercilessly clobbered, of listening to Bill Gates' lies, of waiting for the relief from all that 'pain and suffering' Gates acknowledged. People everywhere started getting more security conscious. People started emigrating to Linux - and above all Mac OS X.
'And now with Windows Vista Microsoft run a pretty tight ship.'
The scariest part of it is he's totally serious. What happened to the 'bump in the road'? Which is it, Littlejohnson?
'9: Linux is still too bleeding edge'
Oh. Yeah. Right.
'A Linux advocate will be quick to bring up the problems associated with Vista's perhaps premature release...'
Perhaps premature release? They take five years and it's still premature? Not long ago Littlejohnson claimed Microsoft were running a tight ship with Vista.
'10: The Linux culture isn't always responsive to the common user'
But Microsoft are? Bill Gates promised secure computing seven (7) years ago - and where's the response? The entire Internet screams in pain because of Microsoft - Microsoft are responsive? Microsoft could release a Windows sandboxed in BSD and be through with the malware scandal but they don't - that makes them responsive? Of course if Littlejohnson wants another digital clock in the title bar of his MS Office abortions Microsoft will get right on it! Woo-hoo!
'The problem is that geeks are not the majority. We don't drive the market...'
Perhaps the biggest mouthful of all. Littlejohnson has just proclaimed himself 'geek'. He's hung up on MS Office and he claims to be a geek. You've heard it all - mark this day in your calendar.
'Until Linux users as an entire community can accept that all users are not programmers or even power users there is no chance that their operating system of choice will come out on top.'
Translation: Littlejohnson is a bit lacking in the brains department. He can no more run Linux than his parent or guardian can consider taking the training wheels off his bicycle.
Most Linux users are not programmers - but they're all smart enough to not run Windows.
As for Linux? It hardly matters. None of this matters. This isn't a war about platforms - it's a war about security. It's a war about honesty in the marketplace. It's a war against paid shills like Littlejohnson and the entire Microsoft marketing apparatus. It's a war not about free enterprise but about free markets where companies producing dangerous software are not allowed any opportunity to manipulate consumer behaviour.
10 Reasons Why Kris Littlejohnson Shouldn't Write About Technology
See above. Welcome to the Hall of Monkeys, Littlejohnson. Leave your Windows computer by the door. Your first Unix class begins in minutes. Go wash the Microsoft filth off you.