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The Legend of Hattie, Stevie, and Smitty

How good monkeys settle their differences.


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Once upon a time in a faraway land ruled by the seldom present Ficc there lived three monkeys named Hattie, Stevie, and Smitty. The monkeys were cute and cuddly and for the most part they didn't make any trouble.

Hattie was the most old fashioned of the three. The other two would continually try to get her to be 'cool' and 'modern' but she'd have nothing of it.

Hattie and Stevie were the best of friends. They'd sit alone for hours at a time in the forest and chat, plucking lice from one another as monkeys often do. Stevie would often wander off into the forest all alone and come back with shiny things he'd found. He'd show them to Hattie. Hattie loved the things Stevie found and wanted to play with them too but Stevie would have nothing of it. 'These things are mine!' he'd tell Hattie. 'They belong to no monkey but me!'

Smitty liked to listen in on the conversations Hattie and Stevie had. He'd wander over and try to sit with them. He would never say much but you could tell he was always listening intently.

'What are you doing here?' Hattie would ask. 'Just minding my own business!' Smitty would reply. 'Just sitting out here with you, enjoying the beautiful day!'

'Like hell you are!' Stevie would say. 'You're listening in on our conversation! But you're not invited!'

'Easy easy!' Smitty would protest. 'I'm not going to do anything! And OK so maybe I hear a few of the things you talk about - so what! Just imagine if you someday want to remember what you were talking about - I'll know! I'll keep it all up here!' Smitty would jab his forehead with his fingertip. 'You just ask me and I'll tell you!'

'You promise you won't tell anyone?' Hattie asked.

'No one! Absolutely positively no one!' Smitty answered her. 'I'm not actually listening at all!'

'But if you're not listening then how can you remember what we're talking about?' asked Stevie. And it was a good question to ask.

'Oh I'll just recall it somehow', Smitty offered feebly.

Not satisfied with his answers or intentions but not knowing how else to proceed, Hattie and Stevie went back to their games and conversation.

But things didn't stay calm for long and word eventually got to Ficc about it. Ficc was not pleased to say the least. He went to visit the three monkeys.

'I'm the leader of this land', he told them in no uncertain terms. 'It's come to my attention that you Hattie and you Stevie won't let Smitty play with you!'

'How did you hear about that?' Stevie asked.

'Oh I just heard it is all', Ficc replied. But Hattie and Stevie knew he was lying. They understood Smitty had been in contact with Ficc. Smitty had always been such a butt licker anyway.

'So what's the trouble here? Anyone care to explain? We can't have this kind of thing going on! Come on - out with it, you three!'

'I have no idea what you're talking about', said Hattie.

'I don't have any idea what you're talking about either', said Stevie.

Ficc turned to Smitty. 'Is that the way it is? Didn't you object to their behaviour?'

'Aha', thought Hattie and Stevie. 'That lowlife squealed on us to Ficc as we suspected!' Both thought Smitty would now start babbling and whining like a house of cards, like a pussy. But he didn't.

'I have no idea what you're talking about', said Smitty to Ficc.

Ficc wandered off through the forest to his home. He thought he could hear the monkeys squabbling again but he just didn't care anymore.

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