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Ten Things to Know About Edward Snowden

Get ready for the shocker of your lives.


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GROUND ZERO (Rixstep) — Julian Assange said it wouldn't take long - the coordinated smear campaign of the world's new hero Edward Snowden would shortly be underway. How right he was.

The first sling comes from the New Yorker's Jeffrey Toobin, a fat cat who cherishes his exalted position and doesn't want anyone rocking the boat no matter how wild the seas be. Toobin calls Snowden is a 'narcissist'. That's always a good one. Toobin doesn't know Snowden any better than he knows himself, but he knows a killer epithet when his boss gives him one. So goes it.

The second sling comes from the thankfully obscure Tal Kopan who's assembled a list of the 'ten things' about Edward Snowden that you were dying to know, a list that one of JR Ewing's detectives might assemble for him. This list is a lot more fun than delving into the tangled mind of Toobin.

So here they come. Get ready for the shocker of your lives.

  1. Doesn't have a high school diploma. You have one of the most highly regarded gurus from Booz working at the NSA. So the recruiters at Booz must be complete dodos, is that it?

  2. Donated to Ron Paul. OK. That's it. The creep is obviously a traitor. Demand HK return him, and if they refuse, bomb the shit out of them.

  3. Wasn't a friendly neighbour. He didn't trim his hedges. Lock him away.

  4. His laptop stickers reveal his beliefs. Ruh-roh! What did those stickers say? This sounds like a good scoop! The stickers supported Tor and the EFF.

  5. Served in the Army for only five months. He intentionally broke both his legs so he'd be discharged and smuggled secret documents out in his casts with the help of his doctor. Right.

  6. First job with NSA was as a security guard. He totally fits the profile.

  7. Used the codename 'Verax', Latin for 'truth-teller'. Anyone espousing truth is an enemy of Obama. Hunt him down.

  8. Not on social media. Good citizens let their lives be plucked to bits by the NSA. Snowden's the enemy.

  9. Whereabouts are currently unknown. That clinches it. He's too smart. He's miles ahead of the bad guys. Use every possible method of force to get him and neutralise him. A bad egg.

  10. Lived comfortably. Oh the outrage.

See Also
Heroes Banquet: Edward Snowden

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