Monkey Bites

As much as half a Mississippi.

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Windoze fanboy Dylan Tweney conducted a speed test of Safari for his pathetic platform. He wanted to prove that Apple's claim of Safari being the world's fastest browser is scandalously incorrect.

Proceeding in strict scientific fashion, Tweney 'timed' each of three browsers with the acknowledged 'one Mississippi two Mississippi method' which scientists from Planck to Bohr have used successfully through the ages [even though they'd never heard of Mississippi].

And because he's a total dupe he decided to test the three browsers at only one portal: Google. And the browsers aren't timed from click to launch but from click to access URL. [Time from click to launch and Gecko browsers would lose every time.]

Tweney accessed [natch] Gmail and then Google Calendar, noted the times needed by each browser [calculated in 'Mississippis'] and sent off his test results with annotations by his laboratory assistants to Scientific American and the Max Planck Institute for Biophysical Chemistry.

Rixstep were able to get a response from Apple CEO Steve Jobs who in the light of this new scientific evidence apologises for misleading consumers.

'These new tests change everything', the famous resident of Cupertino told Rixstep. 'Safari is clearly behind other browsers by as much as half a Mississippi.'