Macopalypse!

Macopalypse, n. Comparable to an apocalypse but much more user-friendly.

Get It Try It

Ten-step program for 'passive anal sex' for Mac users.

1. Visit a really dumb porn site like xhottube.net.
2. Click on one of the hot blonde babes getting reamed real good.
3. Make sure you have JavaScript and all your dumbass shit turned on.
4. Wait for the popup that mentions 'Video ActiveX Object'. (Haha.)
   
5. Click 'Cancel' just for fun. Be a tease. But click 'OK' at the next popup.
   
6. Hey! You're back at the first popup again! Woo-hoo!
   
7. Click 'OK' this time to install the missing Video ActiveX Object.
8. Make sure you don't have Tracker running. Do not in any way monitor your disk activity.
9. Do not click through to Google's diagnostics. Click 'Ignore warning' instead.
   
10. Dismiss the new popup straight away. Click 'Continue'!
    

If you're lucky you won't get a 403 and your download will begin immediately. You'll probably be asked for your admin password - go ahead and submit it.

Now go about your business, surfing to all your favourite Mac sites as usual. Tell everyone about the new Video ActiveX Object you found. Tell them where you got it so they can get it too. And in a short while you should feel a prickly sensation in the general area of your buttocks. Congratulations! You're now having anal sex!

Which shouldn't surprise you at all - for if you really did follow the above steps you're a real asshole.

Clueless!

Graham Clueless of Sysiphus has a piece on these latest attacks. Of course he has.

Tored - a lame email worm for Mac OS X
http://www.sysiphus.com/blather/anti-mac-fud/stupid-lame-mac-os-worm-yawn-zzzzzzz

Note the not so subtle use of the word 'LAME'.



What's so 'LAME' about this lame thing? Well for one it's written in REALbasic. Good enough? But Clueless is fair.

'Mac malware is still a lot less commonly encountered than Windows malware.'

That might be stretching it. After all, Windows has only a 200,000+ virus head start. Anybody could catch up at any time.



Clueless has a video clip to try to scare the shite out of you - this after first calling the damned thing 'LAME'. The clip comes with the caption:

'Apple Mac malware caught on camera.'

And the funniest thing about this melodrama is what running the clip does to your Mac. There's namely a file called 'plugin-crossdomain.xml' that suddenly appears on disk.

<?xml version="1.0"?>

<!DOCTYPE cross-domain-policy SYSTEM "http://www.macromedia.com/xml/dtds/cross-domain-policy.dtd">
<cross-domain-policy>
    <allow-access-from domain="*" />
</cross-domain-policy>

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="ISO-8859-1"?>
<!-- Adobe DTD for cross-domain policy files -->
<!-- Copyright (c) 2008-2009, Adobe Systems Inc. -->

<!ELEMENT cross-domain-policy (site-control?,
    allow-access-from*,allow-http-request-headers-from*,allow-access-from-identity*)>

<!ELEMENT site-control EMPTY>
<!ATTLIST site-control permitted-cross-domain-policies
    (all|by-content-type|by-ftp-filename|master-only|none) #REQUIRED>

<!ELEMENT allow-access-from EMPTY>
<!ATTLIST allow-access-from domain CDATA #REQUIRED>
<!ATTLIST allow-access-from to-ports CDATA #IMPLIED>
<!ATTLIST allow-access-from secure (true|false) "true">

<!ELEMENT allow-http-request-headers-from EMPTY>
<!ATTLIST allow-http-request-headers-from domain CDATA #REQUIRED>
<!ATTLIST allow-http-request-headers-from headers CDATA #REQUIRED>
<!ATTLIST allow-http-request-headers-from secure (true|false) "true">

<!ELEMENT allow-access-from-identity (signatory)>

<!ELEMENT signatory (certificate)>

<!ELEMENT certificate EMPTY>
<!ATTLIST certificate fingerprint CDATA #REQUIRED>
<!ATTLIST certificate fingerprint-algorithm CDATA #REQUIRED>

<!-- End of file. -->

You gotta love it. Back to Clueless a final time.

'The funniest part for me was the message to try and facilitate distribution in the Mac community.'

For Mac OS X ! :(If you are not on Mac please transfer this mail to a Mac and sorry for our fault :)

And that's admittedly pretty funny. But now watch how Auntie Beeb runs with this non-story.

BBC: Experts Warn of Porn Mac Attacks!!1!

Security experts have discovered two novel forms of Mac OS X malware!!1!

OSX/Tored-A - an updated version of the Mac OS Tored worm - and a Trojan called OSX/Jahlav-C were both found on popular pornographic websites!!onescomplementzerobinary!

Actually that's not true. Almost none of it. Only one of the 'worms' is in the wild, Auntie Beeb still has to show how she deems the sites 'popular' (Auntie likes porn does she) and they can't both be 'novel forms' if the one's based on the other. But now it's time for a quote from Clueless he wouldn't print on his own blog.

'Apple have marketed their system on the line of *you won't suffer spyware like you would on Windows* and that's reinforced people's attitudes. And one thing we do know is that you are less likely to be running antivirus software on a Mac than on a PC.'

Oh we know another thing too, Clueless. You just mentioned it. Namely that people not on Windows definitely do not suffer spyware like they do on Windows. In fact most users not on Windows don't suffer at all.

But who's this? Why it looks like Christopher Phin of Mac Format!

'We will see more creative and new ways of exploiting vulnerabilities on all formats!'

Which bears a striking (albeit superficial) resemblance to something heard at this site (Rixstep) from time to time.

We will see a lot less attacks in general as soon as Windows is gone and the people financing the black hats realise there's no money in it anymore.

Hear hear.

2,857,142% Greater Risk with Windows

But whatever. Back to Auntie Beeb - and this is Auntie Beeb herself talking now. Make no mistake about it.

'While there are millions of viruses targeting the Windows operating system, it is thought there are less than 70 affecting Apple computers.'

Now we're up in the millions? Geez! So millions divided by - was it 70, Auntie Dearest? What are the odds then? And as you said 'millions' (plural) let's assume you meant at least 2 million. Fair enough?

So if you take Auntie Beeb to PC World and she shows you all the computers there and she compares the Macs to the Windows PCs she's going to be honest - she's going tell you in no uncertain terms:

'Oh they both look nice. And that new Windows Se7en desktop is DAZZZZZLING! OK maybe not dazzling. But it's better than the abominable Vista. OK so maybe it's shit. So what. Because at the end of the day there's a 2,857,142% (almost three million percent) greater risk you'll get infected with a Windows PC. Made up your minds now, boys and girls?'

Cross-court to Phin. Possible three-pointer.

'The most useful thing people can do is educate themselves on best practice to avoid getting infected in the first place.'

Oh ho ho. What was that, Phin? That was so good we all gotta go again!

'The most useful thing people can do is educate themselves on best practice to avoid getting infected in the first place.'

And again!

'The most useful thing people can do is educate themselves on best practice to avoid getting infected in the first place.'

Now - how has Auntie Beeb educated her readers this time around so they don't get infected in the first place?

There's a rumour almost constantly circulating. Namely that Bill Gates has some kind of hook in Auntie Beeb's hindquarters. That an impressive armada of legal eagles that would scare Vito Corleone are constantly on the horn to Auntie and reminding Auntie that Mister Bill has more money than she has and that prolonged litigation might mean she has to let Jonathan Ross go.



But there's of course no truth to it. You can't bully Auntie. And she doesn't approve of anal sex.