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Author of Google Pac-Man Steps Forward

Charles Darwin is his name.


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(MOUNTAIN VIEW) Rixstep — The author of the brilliant non-Flash applet celebrating the 30 year anniversary of Pac-Man has stepped forward. His name is Charles Darwin.

No relation to the notorious proponent of the 'unintelligent design' theory of the origins of the Bible, Charles Darwin, originally from Lima Ohio and now from Mountain View California where he holds the position of 'apprentice software engineer' with the search giant, said he was very pleased with the results of his socio-genetic experiment.

'As with the Facebook and Twitter experiments before it, the Pac-Man ruse was created to help our colleagues in the field of genetic engineering further clean the pool.'

And it worked better than expected. While most Internet users with double-digit intelligent quotients loved the game, some calling it 'the best Google doodle ever', those less unfortunate were smoked out in a matter of minutes (that somehow turned into hours and days).

Darwin's Pac-Man doodle was created without the use of Flash.

'No one needs Flash', said Darwin. 'Adobe is another thing the pool cleaners have to take care of.'

Maelstrøm

Almost at once the lesser classes of the Internet were plunged into a severe maelstrøm of stupidity that caused damage to web servers worldwide. 'Sorry about that!' said Darwin with tangible regret.

This maelstrøm was caused by a number of fortuitous conditions all working amicably together.

  • Microsoft Windows. 90% of all Internet surfers (and 100% of all idiots) still use the abortive standalone system. They're totally primed at all times for another malware attack (and yet never find the wherewithal to do anything about it).

  • Using Google as a home page. As is well known, only idiots with single-digit intelligence quotients actually set this to a remote site. People with IQs as low as 11 (eleven) have been observed figuring out they don't want to access the same site every time they open a new browser window or tab; people with intelligence quotients as low as 19 (nineteen) have been observed trying to change their browser settings to fix this.

  • Blasting audio out of Windows PC loudspeakers at all times. And having NFC how to turn audio off.

  • Running Google's invasive desktop software. Idiots see it as a step up from AOL.

Google prepared everyone for the experiment as Darwin requested.

http://www.google.co.uk/support/forum/p/Web+Search/thread?tid=7afa387326f9ac40

Hey Web Searchers,

If you've visited our homepage today, there's no doubt that you noticed our Pac Man doodle honoring the game's 30th anniversary. If you insert the virtual coin, you can begin playing this legendary game or you can wait 10 seconds and it will automatically start. If you're not a Pac Man fan or want to skip the music and lights, just enter you search query as usual and you'll be directed to our normal search results page. Other options include:

1. Closing your browser
2. Turning the volume down or off on your computer

'That was necessary to establish the control group and eliminate false positives', said Darwin. 'Most idiots wouldn't read if they could but we have to make sure our results are statistically reliable.'

And so the maelstrøm began. Google and Mozilla support pages were immediately flooded with panicky tickets from the SDD (single-digit demographic).

http://www.google.co.uk/support/forum/p/Webmasters/thread?tid=30c9cebc0b097a31

It's not just Firefox. It will loop forever on IE as well. I tried both. This is very frustrating and unacceptable. What the heck Google software developers!

I cannot even open Firefox without getting it. I am not even going to the Google website. the only way I can get rid of it is to close Firefox.

I had the same problem. I had Google as a Bookmark in the Bookmark Toolbar and after I deleted it from there and restarted Firefox the problem was solved. Hope this helps!

I honestly can't believe that of the millions of internet users who use Google as a start page, that only 5 of us have commented on what can only be described as a MAJOR nuisance. I bet it becomes a national news story in a few hours. The PacMan promotion failed GOOGLE jean-i. For me it's Control Panel - Add or Remove Hardware -- Remove any program with the word Google. Lou (Delaware)

One of my systems, too, is playing the sound forever. Google, are you listening? How do I shut it off?

OMG this is ridiculous I have that dam pacman sound constantly looping as well, I didn't even open google.com and the noise started going off in FireFox, I was going paranoid trying to found out what the problem was. I found out when I went to google to google the problem, just to found out that google is causing the problem. Only solution is to use chrome, go figure. WTF google.

I'm having the exact same problem. I even went as far as uninstalling and reinstalling Firefox and it's still happening.

Mozilla's backup servers were up to one hour fifteen minutes out of sync with all the panicky posts from the SDD, this despite the company quickly posting an explanation on their website.

Get Out Yer Shades

Charles Darwin is happy with the results of the experiment. 'The future's so bright!' he laughed.

'This actually proves that a great number of people are actually monkeys after all. And it should be good times for the rest of us once the pool cleaners get cracking. No more shortages of energy, foodstuffs, or iPads.'

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