Bad Drugs, Late Hours

They don't mix.

Get It Try It

Note: this was sent as a subscription request for a newsletter. It was picked up by accident. Subscription (and unsubscription) requests are messages with no content, picked up automatically. The individual reacted to a form 'autoresponder' that is necessary to protect the recipient from legal hassles. Evidently the individual was on some mind-enhancing (or mind-deteriorating) drug at the time. Enjoy.

Hi -

I'm writing to inquire as to which mail services you find acceptable enough to include within your mailing lists or secret clubs or whathaveyou. As I have not been a keen follower prior to ponying up my hundred dollars, I am not exactly 'with it' or 'one of the lads' or whatever. And my depressing work schedule ((while $awake); work(); cosURnever(); done;) prevents me from poking around much at your sites (though having fallen into the assange stuff within the first two mins, I am assuming there must be much, much more) to find out how to be as endearingly curmudgeonly as you or, you know, catch a snippet of a rant about how google or whomeveritisthisweek are 'terrible people because Q' or whatever your style actually is (though I'm sure you squirmed at the notion you might actually have a 'style' per se).

Whatever. Not to ramble any further, then: sign me up, or tell me what services don't raise your hackles.

The twee autoreplies are good for a chuckle, but honestly, I've tried from several accounts, and the joke has worn through its socks. I'm not exactly an idiot, but if so, I am certainly then a busy idiot, who, after another insane workday would like little better than to come home to his 6mos old teething daughter and play with her rather trying to find another email service that didn't get the 21st century memo.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind... just that it's a humiliating waste of time.

Of course, I might just be that idiot after all.

Cheers,
~P

> Of course, I might just be that idiot after all.

That's how we're filing it. Cheers.

Well, that was brilliant. Let's not do it again.

I quite honestly do not care if you choose to stock your Apocalypse Magic Surviv-O-Tank in your back yard with 13 barrels of chicken stock and 5 tons of ramen with the UPC labels sliced off so no one can trace them to you, or have a different cellphone for each day of the week, or any of a million interesting behaviors engaged in by the paranoid - that's your prerogative, your choice, and your right. I am, however, interested in knowing more about my computer, and how to get the most out of the tools I just purchased from you. As mentioned, I have neither time nor money enough to do the proper learning I would prefer, and consider my forking over a hundred dollars to you as an investment I don't often make.

And so, while I have once found a series of snippy exchanges to be a fabulously hilarious waste of time, today I unfortunately can only see it as a waste. So tell you what: we can skip any Chicken Little threads altogether. But please either kindly do sign me up for the more OS X-centered newsletters you offer so that I may extract greater benefit from the use of your products, or at minimum explain the criteria by which you filter such subscription requests, as I honestly do not have a list of which provider is worse than the other in your opinion.

Regards,
~P

And what the F was that supposed to be? You're reacting to a form letter autosent to protect the recipient?

What drugs are you on? Where did you get that cute blue font?

Please observe the following found on the page you sent this idiotic letter from.

'Correspondence deemed to be abusive or of an harassing or threatening nature or merely of a typical extremely stupid fanboy nature becomes the property of Rixstep who reserve the right to publish the correspondence in its entirety for the edification and entertainment of site visitors.'

So please note that when someone around here finds the time, your rantings will indeed make their way somewhere onto our website.

Thank you for your correspondence. It has been totally refreshing.

Prince Platinus