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Downhill with the Real Anna Ardin

She thinks consistency is overrated.


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If the Real Anna Ardin were an alpine skier, she'd be racing the downhill, nearing the finish line, and then suddenly, upon spying a wooded area off to the left, would tell herself:

'Gee that looks nice! Let's go in there for a while!'

And she'd ski off into the woods instead and disappear forever.

In the time the world stage has been crowded by her unwelcome intrusion, the Real Anna Ardin has gone through several dramatic metamorphoses. She's long been obsessed with her striking likeness to Swedish film star Greta Garbo, then she dumped poor Greta for the basically instinctive Sharon Stone, then she had a falling out with Stone and decided for a very short while to try to be herself, but that didn't work out too good, and so she begged Garbo for forgiveness and came back as Mata Hari from the 1931 movie.

But now she's dumped the poor Garbo again and run off with Amanda Peet.


 The Real Anna Ardin now as Amanda Peet.
 'Sweet & happy & fucking pissed', the Real Anna Ardin writes on her Twitter bio.

The Real Anna Ardin seems to think that such impersonations are expected of people online. She's wrong: they're expected of people with Bipolar Personality Disorder.

The Real Anna Ardin & 'The Future'

Never one to rest on past failures, the Real Anna Ardin decided over the weekend to go on the attack again - against a Twitter follower who had his hair on display in his avatar. Something like this.



1.

'Why do you have such a strange avatar?'



2.

'Say what? Yours isn't even of you.'



3.

'But that's not the same thing!?'



4.

'Aw come on. That's what my hair looks like! What do you have to say for yourself?'



5.

'I offer an illusion that people know what I look like. That's the whole idea with an avatar? :)'



'Framtiden' ('the future') changed his avatar the following day.

The Real Anna Ardin & Evolution

The Real Anna Ardin's LGBT comrade in arms (and #prataomdet instigator) Daniel Levin was by later to report on a new study about salad eaters.

1.

'A young man today doesn't know how he's to attract a young woman [...] salad-eaters, highly educated, demanding women that can look after themselves'



2.

'A lot of young men know how to attract me at any rate. Sincerely yours, salad-eater, highly educated, demanding woman that can look after herself'



3.

'Young men=wimpy, soft men who just barely make it through school.'



4.

'Ah, OK, maybe we need to reevaluate this thing with men if I want to avoid a life of TV sport, cars, and meat?'



5.

'Dunno. According to Newsmill men and women are now unisex creatures who compete about everything so it's cool.'



6.

'But evidently not about the salad'



7.

'In the long run men will surely start eating salad.'



8.

'Unless evolution makes men dispensable by then'

The Real Anna Ardin: Lest We Forget

Many people are wondering about the identity of the Real Anna Ardin. (So is the Real Anna Ardin.) The life of the Real Anna Ardin is a case study of an ambulatory contradiction hoping to find something or someone to collide with.

The Real Anna Ardin promised her flat to WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange and then returned early so she could ambush him and get him in her bed. 'I'm so chuffed I got the world's coolest guy in my bed', she told a friend after he'd supposedly 'raped' her.

The Real Anna Ardin gave her brotherhood colleague at least six different stories about her relationship with Julian Assange. At least five of the six are, by definition, outright lies.

The Real Anna Ardin gave this same colleague another half dozen stories on the afternoon of 20 August 2010. Yes we're going to the police, no we're not going to file charges, yes we're only going to ask for advice, and so on. Same rule as above: at least five of the six stories are, by definition, outright lies.

The Real Anna Ardin roped the somewhat witted Sofia Wilén into accompanying her to a police station where her lesbian friend and party colleague Irmeli Krans was waiting. Sofia Wilén got so freaked out by how they railroaded her that she refused to cooperate with the police.

The Real Anna Ardin's friend Irmeli Krans got so hysterical when she heard the announcement that chief prosecutor Eva Finné was dismissing the charges against Julian Assange that she returned to work and 'doctored' Sofia Wilén's testimony.

The Real Anna Ardin rebutted all attempts by Julian Assange's friends to move him elsewhere after the alleged 'rape'.

The Real Anna Ardin produced a phony condom for the Stockholm police in an attempt to get the case against Julian Assange reopened. She succeeded in reopening the case alright - but the state forensic lab revealed that the condom hadn't been used for sex.

The Real Anna Ardin told the world a year ago - perhaps as a result of realising she might be under prosecution for falsifying evidence - that she was moving to Palestine. She published pictures of her destination on her blog. And then suddenly she wasn't going anymore.

The Real Anna Ardin officially moved this past summer to her home island of Gotland and put her flat in Stockholm up for sale, changing all the government tax records in the process. Then only a few weeks later she officially moved back again.

The Real Anna Ardin has used her considerable influence to repeatedly smear Julian Assange in the media - everything from the Rebella articles to #prataomdet to the clumsy attempt to clean her own image online, the Real Anna Ardin has conducted a show trial against Julian Assange that would be prosecuted as a felony in any civilised country with rule of law.

The list is endless. So when you wonder why Julian Assange doesn't answer questions from a dark Gothenburg cell or what possible charges the Swedes can bring against him, ponder for a moment the downhill of the Real Anna Ardin.


  Two of Sweden's great alpine skiers: Ingemar Stenmark (left) and the Real Anna Ardin (right). Neither were good at the downhill.
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