Microsoft Acquire Rixstep

REDMOND (Reuters) -- Microsoft today announced the acquisition of Rixstep, a rogue software house previously intent on the humiliation and dissolution of the Windows Vole.

'We're increasingly concerned about IT security, and as Steve Ballmer has repeatedly said, Microsoft know more about security than anyone else in the world', said Rixstep CFO Sydney Phillips. 'So of course we want to work with them on the front lines.'

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Rixstep will immediately launch a new project for Microsoft code-named 'Belgian Blue': the Microsoft operating system to succeed their coming 'Longhorn'.

'Essentially Belgian Blue will be Windows for OS X', said Rixstep CTO John Cattelin.

'We're looking to help Microsoft Chief Software Architect Bill Gates deliver even more de novo innovations to the people.'

Belgian Blue will be written in the Objective-C language and will borrow heavily from the open source GNUstep project.

'Just because somebody else wrote it before we did doesn't mean it's not our innovation', said Steve Ballmer.

Microsoft Chief Software Architect Bill Gates' passionate ambition to have the new OS kernel written in REALbasic has however been shelved.

'We're aware of Bill's skills', said John Cattelin. 'He can write really slick code - he can run rings around those guys at ID, for example.'

'But we don't think it's the right time to graduate to his high level of programming. We're going to do our best to keep him on a back burner.'

The merger will transfer the bulk of Mr Gates' outstanding Microsoft stock to a charity specified by Rixstep.

'We don't want the money', said Ms Phillips. 'Only the world domination.'