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La Nouvelle Shiloh

The following is a public service announcement.


Renowned astrologer Zigar Torozhnovitz of Sofia Bulgaria looked up from his charts and turned pale. 'This clinches it', said Torozhnovitz in a trembling voice. 'The constellation of the planets is nearly identical to that over two thousand years ago. It's never been closer - not in two thousand years.'


Away in a manger? The Cottage Private Hospital in Swakopmund, a stone's throw from the Burning Shores Hotel where Angelina and family have been staying.

At 00:40 UTC in the early morning of 27 May 2006, Angelina Jolie, after going into labour earlier the day before, gave birth to her child - the girl Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt - in the Cottage Private Hospital in Swakopmund, north of nearby Langstrand in the Namibian province of Erongo.

It was the most eagerly awaited birth in over two millennia.

World Wide Vigil

People across the planet monitored the sporadic announcements from the African country closely. Millions were gathered at Red Square in Moscow, in the Champs du Mars in Paris, at the Colosseum in Rome, at Hyde Park in London, at Times Square in New York City, along Collins Street in Melbourne, in Sydney harbour, in the streets of Tokyo, Osaka, Sapporo, Shanghai, Beijing, Kathmandu, Kuala Lumpur - all waiting for news.

'This baby will bring peace to our planet', said Shelley Donaldson of Kannawanga New South Wales. Donaldson and her family took off work and school and drove to Sydney already last weekend. They've been camping out with hundreds of thousands all this time.

The baby's name was not chosen haphazardly. 'Nouvel' is of course French for 'new' and Shiloh is another biblical name for the 'christ'. A new cult called 'the Brangelinians' has already been formed in Sausalito; another, called the Tabernacle of Shiloh, was registered only hours ago in Provo Utah.

'It looks like I might have to finish my trilogy-trilogy after all', said George Lucas, while Peter Jackson flew to South Africa to negotiate the film rights through Jolie spokeswoman Cindy Guagenti.

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