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€280 Million

Steve Ballmer to appeal.


BRUSSELS (Rixstep) -- Microsoft have been fined €280.5 million by the European Commission for failing to comply with an anti-competition ruling.

The software monstrosity will appeal against the fine which follows a long-running dispute with the civilised world.

This follows the landmark 2004 EU ruling which ordered the Redmond Rats to provide rivals with information about their excuse for an operating system.

Further, the EC threaten with an addition fine of €3 million per day.

'Three million? US dollars or funny money? Who cares? It's pocket change', Bill Gates was quoted as saying. 'Me and Melinda and her children spend more on a weekend just motoring about and buying supersize. Those pompous people in Brussels don't scare me one bit.'

'It's ludicrous', said Microsoft CEO and Hollywood star (Dancing Apes) Steve Ballmer. 'And I've got the tongue to prove it. I shall appeal this ruling. Bill will hear our appeal. And I am sure he will overturn the ruling.'

Microsoft's legal eagle, former Calabria attorney Brad Smith, insisted the company had met the demands of the commission. 'And besides, they had no warrant to install keystroke loggers on our computers', he said.

'This is not about compliance, this is about clarity - we need to avoid clarity at all costs', 'Scarface' Smith added.

EU Competition Commissioner Neelie Kroes said she had no alternative but to levy the fine, commenting 'no company is above the law - and my Windows computer is certainly not above hanging and crashing and letting all the evils of the world inside to look at my confidential files'.

'I regret that more than two years after the decision Microsoft have still not put an end to their illegal conduct. I expected as much or worse, but I still regret it', Ms Kroes said.

Microsoft were issued a warning of possible fines of €2 million per day already in December 2005. But as the price of Windows Vista is expected to skyrocket, the commission decided to increase the fine by 50%.

Under the 2004 ruling Microsoft were ordered to provide competitors with more information about their universally condemned operating system 'Windows'. The ruling also ordered Microsoft to unbundle their media player.

'This ruling will not stand', said a defiant Steve 'Monkey on Crack' Ballmer. 'Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. Google is a house of cards. And no, this has nothing to do with the EC ruling, but I'm still pissed at Google. As for this ruling, Bill will take care of it. He always has in the past. Grease a palm here, pick up a virtual knighthood there, it's in the bag - our bag. Vista! Vista! Vista!'

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