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It's All About the Condoms
Keeping to the high road.
STOCKHOLM (Rixstep) — It's all about the condoms. And that blasted internalised sexual power structure. And stuff like that. That's what Anna Ardin's sister in arms calls the 'call to arms' she organised on 14 December to further smear a person who still isn't charged with a crime.
Following are the (more or less) intact tweets of @jocxy (Johanna Koljonen) and a few others who started a discussion in the morning hours of 14 December. They solidified their plans as the day wore on.
They're all members of the Swedish 'cultural elite' that still hasn't been able to write anything substantial on Collateral Murder, the Afghan War Diaries, the Iraq War Logs, Cablegate, or anything else.
They know each other well. And together they exert a decisive influence on the media in Sweden - the news organisations, the radio, the television. They have it all.
A great number of them live in one room flats on Södermalm. Others who've 'slipped' live in Upplands-Väsby.
All this takes place on 14 December 2010. Click on a tweet to see the original.
She's not crazy. That could have been me. I put things in perspective. And I wouldn't have dared file a complaint.
The fact is I've been in similar situations but was too naive to understand I could have drawn the line...
And the positive thing is I've for the first time thought the thought:
'You media man who woke me with an unprotected penetration the morning after I told you it wasn't OK, you're an asshole.'
All of you who are speculating which media man it was: you're all wrong. It happened several years ago and no one knew we were together.
Interrupting all tweets about sex by surprise for an important announcement: I might be in love with Tim Riggins and now think coach Taylor is a asshole.
Tim Riggins is already taken!
OK I think he's a RUFFIAN! But when he plays with the child and tenderly takes care of the MILF, I get PREDICTABLY dizzy! #lame
I'm for real a bit shocked that I FIRST TODAY realised I've had a sex by surprise experience...
... We'd already slept together and like I wanted to and I didn't realise as I woke up that whoa the jerk changed the rules of the game...
So I didn't say anything, then or later. I just didn't see him again and forgot why, until today.
Say that a friend of mine had been held in a sexual situation against her will... and we saw a pattern...
... And suppose he was a real 'ruler' (he wasn't, not even in media Stockholm)... would we have filed a complaint? No...
For we wouldn't have understood we had the right to absolutely draw the line. Even I'm a bit embarrassed to reveal all of this.
And here I'm going to describe sexual acts that weren't 100% missionary vanilla, and that's a part of the reason that I wouldn't dare...
Draw a line on this guy because I've already been like happy and horny. But then I stopped myself because it was embarrassing even to tweet.
But jesus christ let's make this the year we don't hide the fact we fuck. This is how it was:
I didn't dare say anything because we'd already had anal sex. Unusual for me. And I felt that in someway I'd already...
Used up my chance to say 'no, you freak, I don't want to now and not like this' because I'd earlier wanted something else.
Shit, we're still so indoctrinated. And this is the most embarrassing thing I've tweeted, not precisely because I wrote anal sex...
... But because I am such a bad feminist who didn't have a clue or drew a line.
I'd like to write 'I am Anna Ardin' but I don't deserve it. Because I didn't dare say anything. Never again.
Sigh, now I'm thinking about all the times I've laid there and thought that the easiest way is to hope he's finished soon.
Yes, you don't know if you should laugh or cry. 'Hope (s)he is finished soon' - yeah really!
But wait a minute. Not even if you've done acrobatics in a relationship for 50 years is it OK to wake someone with surprise penetration?
Of course it's not! But if you're woken with a few sweet caresses, wake up horny and everything is wonderful until you 'but the condom?'
Haha +1000 On the other hand I should have said something. I wasn't afraid but I didn't want to be difficult.
So many times you can and ba' 'I don't want to be difficult' ... Fucking internalised shit, SEX IS BETTER for EVERYONE if we communicate ;)
And I think the answer is the sexual power structure, for both parties.
But what are we going TO DO? To break it? Tweeting about it is a beginning, I guess.
Now you all understand this presumes my mother isn't on Twitter.
Followup: And by 'saying yes' I mean in an expanded sense, ie not just as an answer to a question but even when it comes to initiative :-)
@johannka That's almost the most difficult thing, the last part. What do you dare say?
The Assange case shows that the price for talking about this is extraordinarily high, but I wonder if it doesn't obligate those of us who have a platform.
I don't know if what Assange did was illegal or if the experiences of the women were just that he crossed the line of the law;
Laws that depend not on actions but on context are tricky. (Compare to assault on the hockey rink).
But the rape laws seem to assume that the parties can communicate about the parameters. The law PRESUMES it.
And if you CANNOT communicate because of an internalised sexual power structure and a lack of clear terminology and being branded antisexual...
... Not even under optimal conditions, eg a long lasting relationship, then these things will inevitably be about a gray zone.
And because people aren't mind readers even good guys can lack a frame of reference for how rules and wishes should be interpreted.
And god knows that in addition to all the good guys there are also bad guys. (No one named, no one forgotten).
What I mean by obligate is that we MUST talk about this, we who lie there and don't want to be difficult...
... And we who suddenly are in pain even though it also feels so good, and we who don't dare stop sex that already began. AND! Super-important!
Maybe we don't really WANT to stop because AT THE SAME TIME it feels so good.
We MUST talk about it for otherwise we don't have a language to talk about what Assange is or isn't guilty of... #ThankYouAnna
... Or to protect ourselves. OK one last thing, then it's #FNL for me. :)
I wouldn't have filed a complaint against the media guy if I was braver. I'd have told him, and he'd have stopped. Begged, but stopped.
Because it wasn't an asshole. And he should have understood he was way out of fucking line - and clearly over the legal boundary -
But because I believe the best in people, I choose to believe no one had ever said anything and he JUST DIDN'T GET IT.
Grownup 'ruler' who complains that I want a condom and shut up to avoid a confrontation - I've been in that most recently this past summer. #boofuckinhoo
I threatened to go home and then he gave in. But bah, if that thing is usually out without protection then I don't want to touch it. Eww. Eww!
How could the guy be a 'freak' when you didn't make it clear you didn't want it? Should he have guessed it? Should Assange have guessed it?
Yo! @chmod007 We'd already during the night negotiated about a condom in every hole. He should have guessed I didn't change my mind in my sleep.
But why aren't we honest with our sex partners? Or - why do we sleep with people we can't be honest with?
Yo! @edwyn_76 Because we're horny, grateful, flattered, horny, lonely, horny, feel guilty, compensating for something, in love! Eg.
Very true. Both people's responsibility. While THERE IS SYPHILIS IN SWEDEN. Google syphilis, then use a condom. Please. Everyone.
But it would also be good if all guys could take a no without us feeling like we're bitches who say no.
Yeah! @giselaj When I was younger, more overweight and shier, guys could punish us sometimes by implying a debt of gratitude because they even wanted to.
All of this enormously important, BUT I have to watch #FNL before my lover comes to visit for he's not caught up. I have a question for YOU!
What do you think will happen if I wrote about this eg in DN.se culture section - or the op-ed page in a tabloid? Because I can if I want to.
I really think all of us who have such a place have to take that place. But is the price too high? What do you think?
Or: how many have to write until it's OK? How many can write before the newspapers stop because it's time for a new news cycle?
Yes but my mother could read that. My father maybe wouldn't read it. My brother - lots of people who don't want to know about my sex life.
Most likely it's not a legal question if you want two things at once. Speaking of interpreting signals.
Precisely! Super-difficult! It can be relevant in the Assange case, is what I thought of.
OK now maybe I'm not going to be prime minister but it might not be possible to write like this in DN.se.
With the info available I think the Assange case is grosser than what I commented. But we still don't know everything.
@ivarpi I think so too. But the 'signals' will be brought up as a 'question of interpretation' in the court...
They talk about that in full-out straightforward brutal rape cases.
It's more effective if it's personal. And it's easier if there's a headline like that in every newspaper the same day.
Culture editors and eager writers can of course contact me. Just a thought.
NOTE: I know Twitter is completely open, more more public than Facebook which I regard as a half open room.
I STAND by what I tweet. ;) And if you're wondering: you've answered the question with WRITE. I'm going to think about it!
You're thinking about lots of people writing about the same thing at the same time?
Yes @isobelsverkstad I'm thinking about 12 foremost female writers writing in each their own newspaper. And the blogosphere picking it up.
@philipteir Yes you'll have to publish an article by someone else. There's a risk mommy's bridge club will freak out otherwise.
@isobelsverkstad But that is really interesting/tragic! Anyone else?
Hi, here's an eager writer. Now beyond those years when most of all I didn't want to create awkwardness and a bad mood.
@nelsonsandra Word. Now we're three. There's no upper limit.
Not just newspapers and not just journalists. But everybody that's been in on this, at the radio, TV, Facebook, friends and family.
Now we're four, I missed one! @edgrenalden @isobelsverkstad
You're my role model when it comes to tweeting about sex so I should thank you! <3
OK, dear wise friends! Now I'm watching #FNL and then one of the best guys in the world is popping in. But keep volunteering, journalists!
We'll work into Xmas week but not too much into it if it gets too much press...
@danielbjork @isobelsverkstad We'll surely get it if it becomes a big thing.
The articles you're already writing, you winners and kings: write two versions. One which has everything you MUST write...
... And one that's 1800, 2300, or 3000 characters. Not more. Because of newspaper related reasons.
I was thinking a bit that Monday is good. Slow news day. You OK with that?
THIS IS TRULY HEARTBREAKING FOR THESE DILLON PLAYERS! #FNL #prioriteringar #viktigheter
Should we all try to get into our own newspapers? Do you know which ones you're writing for in such case? I'm writing for now.
I think that would be best! @edgrenalden But maybe it's dumb if everyone writes at the same time? Should we have an old media hash tag?
@barsk We each write our own articles with a common tag of some sort. Publish about the same time. Stand straight in the shit storm.
@linusfremin I think it's important that gender isn't decisive? Nine! Or have I lost count. Join us!
All of you who want to write or publish, DM me your mail addresses and I'll make a list. This has to be self-organised...
I've got no time to be admin. Everyone lobbies their own editors and we help each other with those who don't have one.
@dekaminski @oskcar I believe in synchronised otherwise it's short shots... And a bit too complex a subject. Not black and white.
I'll at least be blogging but I can't DM you with my address because you're not following me :-)
What's happening with @jocxy? Anyone? Please!
@johanna_linder If you go into twitter.com in a browser you can see really far back!
OK friends, holler if you want to write and need a follow to DM your address...
We're targeting Monday and then everyone must talk with their editor desks at the latest on Thursday. No matter what the newspapers say, we can blog on Monday.
I think #tackanna ('thank you Anna') is a nice little tag but sounds like we're taking sides. I like 'I Am Anna' but the same problem?
But a fat Spartacus if everyone uses that headline when she's the world's most hated woman because of her civil courage.
@johanna_linder Like we're going to talk about all the times we've not said anything in sexual situations or been subjected to something but not filed complaints.
@johanna_linder But the idea is to explain how it's actually complicated.
OK decided for reasons: merely because Anna's name is known doesn't mean we're going to keep on repeating it so of course we write without it!
I repeat: just because the whole Internet's gone cuckoo doesn't mean we don't take the high road. Don't mention her name! Of course not!
If I am able to reveal what I know, everyone will realise this is all a charade. If I could tell the British courts, I suspect it would make extradition a moot point.
- Björn Hurtig
I can tell you that the Swedish prosecution still hasn't provided copies of those SMS texts that have been referred to. Those texts are some of the most powerful exculpatory evidence. In Australia prosecutors have a very grave duty to disclose such evidence to courts when seeking the grave exercise of a court's power against an individual. Yet in Sweden in this case, in the first hearings to obtain an arrest warrant, those texts were not submitted to the Swedish court, which is highly improper.
- James Catlin
Sunday Times: Accuser snapped me in the nude
Industry Watch: Assange: The Hornets Nest
Hall of Monkeys: Three Women II: The Sex War
Red Hat Diaries: How to Rape Julian Assange Twice