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Carl Bildt Hits Head, Wakes Up in Aššur

Ducks sleep better after a good laugh.

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DUCKBURG (Rixstep) — Whilst people everywhere hold their collective breath for Michael Schumacher, another world luminary seems to have been victim of a similar fate.

Details are only now emerging, but it seems Carl 'Wheels Up' Bildt, Destroyer of Democracies, Crusader for Class Society, has hit his head as well.

The unloved Swedish minister for foreign affairs seems to believe he somehow flew back in time to the ancient kingdom of Assyria last night, where people celebrated the New Year on 1 April.

Keeping in line with those longstanding traditions, the college dropout and erstwhile CIA informer submitted an 'April Fools' piece to his friends at the Expressen tabloid, something he thought would get the citizenry rolling in the aisles.

The NSA scandal (and now the FRA scandal) haven't hit that hard inside the duckpond, thanks to the deft footwork of Expressen chief Thomas Mattsson who engineered two pseudo-ripples to black it out.

But Bildt tried his best 'tongue in cheek', praising Sweden's own 'NSA' for their work in protecting rights online.

No Sense of Humour!

Swedes evidently aren't always known for their sense of humour. The general secretary of Sweden's bar association Anne Ramberg immediately reacted to Bildt's humorous attempt to whitewash mass surveillance.

'Bildt's now outdone himself when it comes to wobbly rhetoric - he says the FRA protect our freedoms online.'

Wow. No sense of humour!

Rhetorical Questions!

Others contributed with rhetorical questions. Bengt Eliasson tweeted:

'The big question is why Sweden, as opposed to the other EU states, kept quiet about the [FRA/NSA] affair.'

Indeed. The EU parliament wanted to discuss the NSA surveillance scandal - Carl Bildt vetoed the motion. More Eliasson:

'I'd like to add: Bildt's had VERY good relations with the US for a long time.'

Indeed again. Don't we know.

Bildt started his career as a CIA informant before he formally entered politics in Sweden (by nailing and later marrying the daughter of the conservative party leader). He got a red carpet invite to visit the Strategic Air Command in Nebraska; he leaked confidential info to the US embassy in Stockholm; he collaborated openly with the CIA to discredit then prime minister Olof Palme and scare the ducks about Soviet subs in the archipelago (which turned out to be NATO subs put there by the CIA) and so on.

The word 'patriot' comes to mind. As does the haunting question why he's still roaming the streets a free man.

But that's only if you take Carl Bildt seriously. Nobody takes Carl Bildt seriously anymore.

Wheels up.

See Also
Rixstep Special Report: Our Man Bildt
Industry Watch: Slottsstek med gurka

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