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Reflections on MacBlack.
I'm sitting here waiting for a call. I'm supposed to go out. Suddenly I don't feel so good anymore. My stomach is turning cartwheels across the floor. All day I long I felt - both Sydney and I felt - absolutely great. The weather is fantastic and will remain so for half a year now, with not a single cloud in the sky - for all of six months. Today we had a slight breeze, but this will be rare. It will only get hotter and better.
And then NNW shows up a new iBook. Called the MacBook. And it comes in two colours. Toilet white and Bozo black. But for the black you have to fork out an additional $200. Just for a fucking colour.
Subtract the $50 for the slightly bigger hard drive and you're still left with $150 just for a fucking colour.
I'm thinking of starting my own fly by night business. I'm going to name it in honour of his Steveness. The original idea was 'Winnie the Pooh Productions' but then we changed it to 'Poof the Magic Drag Queen Productions'. It'll work like this.
We're going to put bins of MacBlacks inside all supermarkets across the US. At the checkout points of course. About three feet off the ground so all the little toddlers can grab one as their mothers push squeeze shove and stress in the queues.
We're also going to do a deal with TV Guide. For a special commemorative edition with Friends on the cover. Except there will be different covers - the contents will otherwise be the same.
We'll have the following covers. Ross and Rachel, Ross and Monica, Ross and Joey, Ross and Phoebe, Ross and Chandler, Rachel and Monica, Rachel and Joey, Rachel and Phoebe, Rachel and Chandler, Monica and Joey, Monica and Phoebe, Monica and Chandler, Monica and Chandler again at their wedding, Monica and Chandler again in bed, Monica and Chandler again in bed but with Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey sitting around on the bed with them, Ross and Rachel and Monica and Joey and Phoebe all in one shot - and then one final cover with none of them on it at all.
And we'll have a special deal so if you purchase a MacBlack you can get all seventeen otherwise identical issues for the price of sixteen. And we'll even include a family size bucket of Apple Thermal Grease.
We should wipe up.
It boggles the mind how Apple abuse their fanboys - so loyal, so idiotically loyal, more loyal than the upper crust of Jonestown and Clearwater ever would be - and Apple just fuck them over time and again.
It veritably turns the stomach. Have a good summer. At our end we'll try to recover from this temporary setback.
Parents everywhere take note. When it's back to school your toddlers are going to whine and stomp for the Bozo MacBlack. And they're going to point you to articles at AT that say 'you've come a long way baby' and by next year they'll want the same fucking computer in Gruberoid gray.
For only $250 more.
So be prepared.