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Consumer Grade: What it Means to You!

Disgruntled Apple customers sent magnificently substandard computers are getting a crash course in 'consumer grade' quality. Here's how it applies to you and your quality Apple computer!

As if the slings and arrows of outrageous Apple in recent years haven't been enough, there's now more to add to the cake. An increasing number of MacBook owners have for the past few months been complaining about a 'background flicker' that eventually makes the screen go blank and the computer unusable.

But when approaching AppleCare to claim coverage under their extended (and expensive) warranties, said MacBook owners have instead been left empty handed. Such 'imperfections', as AppleCare now call them, are actually 'expected behaviour' as the computers themselves are mere 'consumer grade'.

A lot of MacBook owners may be puzzled as to what 'consumer grade' actually means - and further perplexed such an epithet can apply to them. Nowhere on the cute box with the Apple logo is there any mention of 'consumer grade' and at no time have Apple advised these people to not purchase the AppleCare extended warranty.

As can be seen from the illustrations on this page, 'consumer grade' is actually a well known and accepted concept and yardstick for assessing policy claims. These vehicles are all considered 'consumer grade' and although they were all fully covered, none of their owners had a right to a claim.

The following is to be expected of 'consumer grade' automobiles.

After one mile your car overheats and bursts its coolant container. This is 'consumer grade'. It is not covered.
You find your headlights go on and off erratically. This is 'consumer grade'. It is not covered.
The paint finish on your car discolours within weeks. This is 'consumer grade'. It is not covered.
Rain - or your sweaty hands - mar the paint finish irrevocably. This is 'consumer grade'. It is not covered.
Your car explodes while parked in its garage (and burns down the garage). This is 'consumer grade'. It is not covered.
Tyres must be changed with special proprietary toolsets. These toolsets may only be used by trained licensed repairmen. (Otherwise your policy is null and void.)
Fixing punctured tyres involves shipping the entire vehicle back to the manufacturing plant. This is unavoidable. Buy a rebated bus card.
Your steering wheel freezes? This is 'consumer grade'. It is not covered. Apply the brakes and slow cautiously to a complete stop.
Your brakes fail? As long as this does not happen when your steering freezes it's expected behaviour. Why else would you need your brakes?
Your car doors start to buckle and don't close properly? Again, this is 'consumer grade'. It is not covered.

Make Doubly Sure!

Even though showroom automobiles classified as 'consumer grade' must be clearly marked as such by law it pays to make doubly sure before putting your John Hancock on that dotted line! After all, you don't want to end up in the same predicament as Apple customers, do you?

If you have any further questions, consult the local office of the Better Business Bureau - the same people you went to when Apple refused to honour your AppleCare claims. They'll be glad to help!

Thanks to GC and all the rest at the CLIX Exchange for their liberating wit and patience with Apple's new FUCKEM™ policy.