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Dvorak Uncensored

Everyone's favourite techie clown.

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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America you get a front row seat. And when you're too close to John Dvorak you get a back stage pass.
 - George Carlin

The World Wide Web was officially born on 6 August 1991; want to see what it looked like before that? Then wander over to John Dvorak's menagerie at http://www.dvorak.org/blog/ - something he and his team call 'Dvorak Uncensored'.

Dvorak Uncensored makes MySpace look like css Zen Garden - or actually better.

Dvorak Uncensored is unenlightened - senile - technology at its best. Wander around and be nauseated. Or gawk in wonder at their beautiful masthead. Notepad can make a better masthead and Notepad doesn't even do graphics.

Dvorak also has a crack editorial team pictured below. Obviously these graybeards are in tune with web technology - from 1990.

They couldn't even get the sizes right: the heights of the above high-res thumbnails with the dazzling graphics effects range from 89 to 107.

[There's also a rumour there's a wee Dvorak offspring amongst them. Clue: it's the weeniest picture of them all. And if it's true it must be an enormous burden to bear.]

The editorial board are also wide awake, catching all dumb-arsed typos. Not that many of them turn up of course.

How is it possible to make such ghastly HTML when even Notepad on Windoze can't perform so poorly? And to understand this one must first be made aware of the singular abilities of Dvorak and his team. For although the website seems to be made with a simple text editor (and by a simple mind) its design is still beyond the grasp of these wizards.

No: even simple things like HTML tags are above this crew. And so to help them in their endeavours they've recruited the assistance of a crack web authoring tool.

Good news for Windows users! Yes it's available for your platform! And yes, it's available in both 16-bit and 32-bit versions!!111

What are the experts saying about WebExpress? Ask John Dvorak - who just happens to be a reseller!

'This is without a doubt the single best Web-page layout and development tool I have ever seen. Don't think twice about buying it. It kicks the stuffing out of FrontPage. At $70 I consider WebExpress the bargain of the decade.'

And it's none other than WebExpress which for that extremely generous $70 made it possible for Dvorak to construct his marvelous children's microsite pictured below.

[It seems to be a bit out of date - 'Children's Portal 2005' - but the editorial board of Dvorak Uncensored - and especially their editor in chief - are extremely busy people. So busy in fact they couldn't catch this blooper in their discussion rules page.

[Note the ' ' before 'Profanity': someone's thumb-thumb-thumby slipped on that darned space bar!]

These are but small petitesses - especially in the light of the wide range of entertainment available at Dvorak Uncensored. Winner of several web awards, Dvorak Uncensored offers - in addition to next generation authoring tools - horoscopes (and Dvorak wouldn't dream of taking a commission for a click through) as well as anti-spam solutions for your corporate network.

So drop by Dvorak Uncensored every day: you'll not only be richer for the experience but you may win a free diploma! In advanced web design. As long as you don't attack the 'Editors' personally that is.

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