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I Could Really Get Used to This!

She's Crystal, she's a PC, and Windows 7 was her idea.

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LONDON (Rixstep) -- Those in the UK or with satellite telly have seen the nauseating ad with Crystal. It's found at YouTube for those who are interested.

There's a distinct difference between Apple's Get a Mac ads and this rubbish: Apple remind viewers of things they already know - like Windows crashes and hangs, the onslaught of virus-laden spam, the total lack of adequate Internet security, and so forth.

Microsoft's barrage of adverts on the other hand attempt only to bamboozle. To sidestep the issues. To play the okey-dokey.

This one with 'Crystal' is no exception. But unfortunately for Crystal - along with Lauren and all the other dupes involved in Microsoft's recent abortive ad campaigns - this one's coming back to bite her head off.

Here's the full transcript of Crystal's ad. She's getting into a London cab as she tells her story.

Hi! I'm Crystal! Not long ago I had a thought! Right in the back of a taxi! Using a PC should be simpler! So I told Microsoft! And look at this! Windows 7! With this in your taskbar! Now I can see everything that I have open! It's just miles simpler! I told them what to do and they did it! I could really get used to this! Onwards, driver! I'm a PC and Windows 7 was my idea!

You can almost see the scenario unfolding. Crystal could have rung Microsoft's main office in Reading on 0844 800 2400. Or she could have rung the London office on 0844 800 2400. Or she could have rung the Edinburgh office on 0844 800 2400. Or she could have just gone online to the Microsoft UK site and asked customer agent Casey.

The conversation went something like this.

Hello. This is Microsoft. How can we help you?
Hi. I'm Crystal. And I have a great idea to help you improve your next version of Windows.
You do? Great! Let me open Notepad first so I can write it down.
OK, I'm ready, Crystal. Shoot! What's your idea?
Well this is pretty far out but I thought you guys could maybe like make Windows - simpler?
Yeah, hello. Sorry. You caught me off guard. That really floored me. Can I take your number and ring you back?
Yeah sure! You really think that was a good idea?
Absolutely. Bye!

The Microsoftie rushes from his booth to find his boss.

Boss! Sorry but do you have a moment? This is really important. Earth-shattering even.
Wow! O RLY? Of course I have time. Wassup?
It's this girl. Her name's Crystal. She just rang us with this fabulous idea for Windows 7.
Yes RLY. Sit down. Grab onto something. Crystal says we should make Windows - ready?
She says we should make it - simpler.
Sorry. You caught me off guard. That really floored me. I'll get back to you. OMG. Wow.

The boss runs to his office and gets Microsoft World HQ on the horn.

Redmond? Crystal just rang with a fantastic idea for Windows 7. Sit down. Grab onto something...

There must have been an incredible shakeup in the Microsoft organisation that day.

See Also
The Technological: Windows 7 Falls Prey to 80% of Virus Attacks
The Technological: Windows-Generated Spam At All-Time High of 101%

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