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Symantec: All Together Now

Sail the ship, skip the rope, chop the tree.

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CUPERTINO (Rixstep) -- Everybody wants to get in on the game. First Intego start it off and now Symantec have seen what a lucrative scam this can be so they're joining in. Keep your heads down because the bullshit's really flying.

Another iPhone Attack!

It's another iPhone attack, declare Symantec on their blog. Another one - they're coming like flies to a picnic. So anyway here we go - and don't forget: keep your head down.

1. 'The first iPhone worm known as iPhoneOS.Ikee recently hit the news everywhere.'

Whoa. Stop right there. It's not known as iPhoneOS.Ikee - it's known as iPhoneOS.Rollrick.D. Rixstep were first to formally 'detect' it so STFU.

2. 'The purpose of this worm was to show that jailbroken iPhones had a flaw that could be easily exploited.'

Whoa again. It's not a 'flaw'. The iPhone has security flaws but this isn't one and you know it. It's a simple matter of eejits opening up their iPhones but keeping the default passwords which every primate on the planet knows by now. If there's any flaw it's a PEBKAC one. That's it - no more, no less. And the author of iPhoneOS.Rollrick.D pointed this out.

3. 'Given the implications - and this being a hot topic - reports are surfacing about a hacktool that can be used to attack jailbroken iPhones.'

Damned straight it's a hot topic, you whores. You can hack at anything non-Windows and bamboozle a few more fools into thinking Windows is as good as it gets and you can make more money.

OK so after this incredible scare tactic it's time for them to tell you how to secure your device. To their credit Symantec don't try to imply that purchasing their products will help you. (And they won't - and neither will anyone else's.)

4. 'If you are worried your device may be affected by this vulnerability you can take the following steps to ensure your data is safe.'

Hey good idea. What you got in mind? Is it as easy as everyone with half a brain already understands it to be?

5. First, backup your data and restore your device to its factory settings.
6. Once the device has been restored, the worm will have been removed and the security hole closed.
7. If you insist on jailbreaking your phone again (despite the obvious risks) disable network connectivity and change the default SSH password. You can then restore network connectivity, having successfully closed the security hole.

Wow. So that's all? But it reads like a DoD internal memo. What do people really need to know?

Change your passwords, you dillweeds.

That's it. You've been flexing your opposable thumbs with a device anyone can contact, with a remote login facility, with passwords that are known all over the world. You've been colossally stupid.

Symantec wind up with this classic.

'It's obvious that users of jailbroken iPhones are leaving themselves open to malicious attacks. What was originally theoretical has been realised and should make iPhone users stop and think before jailbreaking their phone.'

Our worst fears have come true. Armageddon is here. And Symantec, guardians of the planet, predicted it all along.

No not quite. Just change your passwords.


Symantec are trying this all the time - they're all trying this all the time. Symantec's most recent blaze of glory was the OSX.Loosemaque farce. Click through to see how ridiculous they get, how desperate they've become. They target a weird game of 'Ultimate Space Invaders' that destroys files on disk and even says it's going to do so - and then try to spin this as an 'Apple Mac virus'.

Symantec have been redefining 'desperate' for some time now.

Here's an exercise for Symantec.

  1. Go out and tell everyone they'll be safe and not need antivirus or anti-spyware if they just leave Windows. Go on - tell them the truth for once.

All Together Now!

Bill Gates and his friends would love - love - to get hold of a 'real' story to dash the truth that Windows is crap and Unix is secure. Sooner or later that other 90% of the world demographic are going to wake up. Firefox and open source are spreading throughout Europe, Africa, and the far east. Steve Ballmer is losing it, hammering his shoes on podiums and throwing things at people. Both Microsoft and all their buddies in the Windows AV industry are growing increasingly desperate.

Don't give them the chance to FUD Unix and non-Windows in general. Don't be stupid.

So everybody promise. All together now. Thank you.

1 2 3 4 can I have a little more? 5 6 7 8 9 10 I love you.
A B C D can I bring my friend to tea? E F G H I J I love you.

See Also
Red Hat Diaries: iPhone
Industry Watch: iPhone Hacked
Industry Watch: FSF Attack MSFT
The Technological: Alpine Dottie
Industry Watch: iPhone Unlocked
The Technological: Effective UID: 0
The Technological: OSX.Loosemaque
Red Hat Diaries: iPhone and Security
Red Hat Diaries: iPhone and the Media
Developers Workshop: iPhone Ramdisk
Developers Workshop: Opening the iPhone
Red Hat Diaries: iPhone and Full Disclosure
Hackint0sh: iPhone Root Password Cracked
Industry Watch: Rickrolling iPhones in Australia
Industry Watch: iPhone: A Bit of This, A Bit of That
Full-disclosure: iPhone Security Settings (Erik Tews)
Developers Workshop: iPhone OS X System Architecture
Carnegie Mellon: iPhone security settings by Xeno Kovah
Full-disclosure: iPhone Security Settings (Kevin Finisterre)
Industry Watch: iPhone Bootloader: Hackint0sh Progress Report
The Technological: New iPhone Worm Crumbles Continents, Topples Governments

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