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Gates Euphoric Over 88.9%

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA (Reuters) -- Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates was ecstatic at the opening of the annual Consumer Electronics Show, citing recent poll results showing his company's flagship Internet Explorer had now captured nearly 90% of the browser market.

'This proves people recognise IE as the superior product', the erstwhile Visual Basic programmer proclaimed proudly.

When reporters pointed out that IE had not risen but instead fallen to such a relatively low market share, Gates went on the attack.

'I'm aware there are certain communist products out there claiming tens of millions of downloads, but I don't think people are so easily duped. They might download Firefox for example, but they're certainly not going to abandon Internet Explorer, not when it's clearly superior - and a lot safer too.'

When questioned about recent disclosures of yet further severe vulnerabilities in IE even under Windows XP Service Pack 2, Gates lashed back.

'And I am not aware of any flaws in any of our products, and if there were flaws our programmers would certainly have informed me of the situation. After all, I am Chief Software Architect, and flaws are ultimately my responsibility and no one else's.'

'And besides, people are not worried about bugs and bloat and vulnerabilities and trojans and exploits and porn dialers and keystroke loggers and zombie generals. To think they'd fall back on such excuses to abandon IE is just stupid.'

'And you're all stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.'

'People upgrade - or switch as the case may be - to get new features, not to get rid of bugs that don't even exist. The issue is so moot: we don't have any bugs anyway. We know more about bugs than anyone else on the planet.'

'There are no bugs.'

'And that's all I have to say. I'm very busy, so now go away.'

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