The Saturday Apple Review

Things have never been brighter for the Cupertino company.

Premium Virtualisation?

Those purveyors of filth known as Microsoft now want to exact premiums from people smart enough to not run their dog of an operating system without sandboxing it.

As everyone knows, only asshats run Windows anyway, but security gurus would still prefer the asshats sandbox their Windows installs. In fact it's the only safe way to run Windows.

And now Microsoft want to take that away. It's as if they're saying they want people to be infected with all that Windows junk.

Anti-Phishing in Safari

Apple are boasting of new anti-phishing features in Safari, but judging from the screenshot below it would seem Microsoft are the ones actually providing the service.

['Phishing' is a primitive technique for extracting money from people who are irretrievably stupid. Ed.]

Full Disclosure

Apple have decided to practice full disclosure of their financial details despite the ongoing investigation of how CEO Steve Jobs swindled nearly $90 million from the company.

6.1%

Apple now have 6.1% of the US PC market. Right behind Apple are Dell with 32.1% and Hewlett-Packard with 23%.

1,000,000 Notebooks

Apple have sold nearly one million notebooks in the past quarter, exceeding all expectations. At this rate it will be only another two hundred fifty years before everyone on the planet has a Mac - provided of course everyone uses condoms.

Jobs Clear?

Analysts at PiperJaffray believe Steven Paul Jobs is in the clear regarding his purported swindle of nearly $90 million from the Cupertino company. They were not available for further comment as they'd been flown to Apple's own resort in the Caribbean for the week.