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Baywatch Time

They have to make do.

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You'd think people would catch on. Some do but even more don't.

You'd think people would get tired of being screwed over by Tim Cook and his merchants of totalitarianism but fanboys will be fanboys.

Rixstep slaved long and hard to defeat Apple and succeeded against all odds, but the 'Watership Down' is still a work in progress. Perhaps the company's approach didn't hit the mark?

One remembers how things were in the early TiBook Jag-wire days after the Redwood City takeover when all the good publicity in the world still couldn't effect a sea change.

Pointing out that Apple's OS was secure and Windows was not: this had little effect.

So Apple switched tack to make the whole thing look like a 'lifestyle' choice instead.

That worked better.

Perhaps the raucous Slimer icon for Rixstep's key component Keymaster had something to do with it?

So the Rixstep folks churned out some prototype ideas. A few are shown on this page.

One idea was to use the 'kiddie toy' approach of the infamous AppZapper. A ray gun! Zap! Zap! Zap! That appeals to consumers? Evidently. The app itself was rubbish and the market reaction was a study in pure human stupidity: no one could ever check how effective the app actually was. All they could see was how 'cool' it was to actually use. Enough 'lickable' doodads on screen and they were sold. The carpetbagger competition caught on and soon arrived.

The original Keymaster icon took the imagery of Apple's Gatekeeper, drew the obvious analogy to the movie Ghostbusters, picked Sigourney's counterpart Keymaster, and ran with it. Icons aren't supposed to matter, are they? Welcome to the world (nightmare) of Apple™. Do enjoy your stay. Gates close soon.

So perhaps a ray gun again? Perhaps a shield of some sort? Or perhaps just connote the ease of idleness made possible because people can again chill out, fret-free, to use their computers when they need them and only for what they're actually intended - and otherwise just laze on the beach and catch rays?

Getting across the idea behind Keymaster and the associated technologies is a difficult task. Joe Blogs doesn't understand what's going on. He suddenly gets all these ridiculous popups all over his screen and he has no clue what's going on. All he knows is that people swear that this new edition of the AppleOS is supposed to be much snappier than the last. Suddenly he gets asked if it's OK to save files in his customary documents folder, gets told he can't do this and can't do that, and he never sees what's going on under the bonnet, never sees what the developers see.

Most indy developers run one programming project or two. No one has an arsenal of software titles like Rixstep. Rixstep's arsenal of frontline user apps is probably bigger than Apple's. When Apple go and fuck up something else again, it really shows with a greater number of applications. Mustard Boy only has to make changes to one project file, rewrite a few lines of code because Apple went on a new slash-and-burn deprecation spree, and so forth. The Boy ends up using too much time rewriting old code instead of coming up with new ideas and writing new code, but it's only one project or two. It's not felt.

Your Apple computer is no longer your computer. It used to be, reasonably speaking. It once was a UNIX™ machine.

The most improbable marriage in IT: Murray Hill and Cupertino were diametric opposites. But Apple were media darlings, and, given a good line of credit, Apple had marketing clout that FOSS would never have. Perhaps Apple could be the thin end of the wedge that cleaned up the huge 'no-go zone' of the Interwebs?

You'd think. But, then again, you'd not think like Steve Jobs. Or, even worse, like Tim Cook. Steve loved gadgets. Tim loves money, and he's good at generating it.

What-ever. The dream of a safe and secure online community for the human race is bullshit. Nobody cares.

(Viruses? Who cares? Don't all computers have viruses?)

(No they don't, you stupid pathetic moron.)

Today it's all about mobiles anyway. Every fanboy wants something to hold in their hands to do stupid things like make phone calls and check maps for stupid shit and play games. Yes play games - they're the crown of creation.

To think that people get paid enough to buy these increasingly expensive toys makes Charles Darwin barf in his beard. Somebody is paying somebody else to do a job when that second somebody drools all over a perceptive pixel screen to twiddle his thumbs - and oh, to take pictures!

What-ever. There are a few, a dying breed, who stay on computers, rather than mobiles. Perhaps their jobs require it, perhaps they're just a bit smarter. They bought into the lifestyle malarkey back in the day. Now they have a minor machine shop full of Apple junk.

Diabolic obsolescence will catch up with them someday, they have no exit strategy, they'll have to leave, but they're not there yet, the investment's too big.

They have to make do.

And everything Tim's orcs come up with makes life more and more impossible.

Perhaps the dream of a sunny sandy beach can entice them?

You'll never see anything like this in the mainstream media today. You'll no longer see facts, truth, and free flowing information-sharing.

The media mushrooms that popped up after the New Millennium? They're all gone. Apple crushed them.

All you'll see is a nauseating shilling by nihilist hacks who went over to the Dark Side long ago.

Websites like Macworld and Macworld UK exist solely in symbiosis with Apple. They keep customers contained inside Apple's walled garden and Apple take care of the finances.

Small fry like TechNN and MacSurfer, not to speak of Sneak Berlin, are either 'no more' or 'soon to be no more'. Darren Mahaffy put sites on hold a year ago.

Sites like El Reg exist solely to be cheeky. There might be quality there but it can be hard to find.

The open Apple forums? The developer newsletters? They're gone.

It's a brave new wonderful world. The opposable thumb of the species is used primarily to tap on mobile screens.

You gotta reach out, take hold of my hand, you gotta reach out till you're safe on dry land.
 - D Hasselhoff

You've obviously heard of us, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
We're known for telling the truth even if it's not in our interest.
We're now telling you to beware Apple's walled garden. Don't get locked in.
What you've seen so far may be only the beginning of something far far worse.
Download our Test Drive and at least check out our free Keymaster Solo.
That's the first step to regaining your freedom. See here.

John Cattelin
Media Contact
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