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Gee whiz I'm really sorry. Really. Now give me some more money.
- B Gates
Microsoft OneCare (already dubbed WhoCares) goes on sale soon. WhoCares is the answer to all your issues with Windows. Oh yeah sure. It's heroin economics perfected by the biggest pathological liar and the most evil person in IT on the planet.
WhoCares costs US$50 to protect three Windows PCs for one year. This in addition to all the money you've shelled out already, directly or indirectly, for that piece of shit called Windows you have on your PC.
What does WhoCares do? Who cares? All right: let's go through the list. And first up: it supposedly protects you from spam. But who causes spam? Care to guess?
Who Causes Spam?
Spam is sent by spammers. DUH. But how do they send it?
In the old days they sent it by poking into unprotected SMTP servers - 'open relays'. As more and more people got clobbered by the clue bat, this became more difficult.
The method they use today is far better.
Just infect a Windows PC. That's right: this technique only works with Windows. All the other systems your friends are running are unaffected. It only works with Windows. So clobber the fucker.
Now that a Windows machine is compromised - have it spread the disease. Especially on broadband this works great. Because all these idiots are running not only Windows but OUTLOOK (does that include you) you just get in the address book and start sending. This is old hat. It was a novelty six years ago. No longer. Bits of plumber pipe. Prefab. Bake it all together and you have a self-replicating worm that spreads and infects.
But only Windows PCs.
So that's how spammers do it today. With Windows. Almost all spam today is sent out of Windows PCs.
Bill Gates didn't protect you as he promised. The entire planet is suffering because of this. And now he wants to charge you extra.
What else does WhoCares do? It helps you with backups. In case your system crashes, hangs, or is otherwise compromised. And it helps you against viruses, trojans, and spyware.
Who Causes Crashes & Hangs?
If you don't know this one by now you're either a Billy fanboy, an employee of Microsoft, an offspring of Melinda French, about two years old, or congenitally insane. It's Windows - pure and simple. No other system on the planet loses data and crashes and hangs like Windows. In fact, no other system loses data, crashes, or hangs at all. This is the type of nonsense Bill Gates publicly apologised to the planet for in 2002. And it still hasn't been fixed. And now he wants to charge you extra. Some apology.
What Causes System Compromises?
System compromises: someone halfway across the planet taking control of your Windows PC. Without you knowing it. Or perhaps you do know it. But there's nothing you can do. Because Windows, unlike every other operating system on the planet, totally sucks. Read that again: this only happens on Windows.
No package - and certainly not WhoCares - can protect you from these attacks. The best they can do is alert you when you've already been compromised - when the damage has already been done. That's like someone coming to what used to be the door to your house and saying a bomb accidentally dropped on it. Some help.
Companies like F-Secure, McAfee, and Symantec have long been 'cleaning up' in the financial sense. As there is no cure, there are always issues - as long as the suckers aren't clued into the fact that this only happens on Windows - and they can be scared into buying, buying, and buying more.
Try checking on Google if you can find news articles about exploits on any other platform. Try to find something on Linux - on Ubuntu or Red Hat or Mandriva or SuSE or any of those. Search for 'exploits+Linux' and see what you find.
And if you find anything, try to find the extent of damage.
Apple's OS X had an exploit a few months back - it spread to fifty (50) computers. It caused no real damage. Linux has no known exploits at all. Now compare this with what you find about what's happened on Windows. Take the Love Bug for starters. The estimated damage was $5.5 BILLION. Try to compare. Try real hard.
WhoCares costs $50 per annum for three users. A typical household setup. With approximately 600,000,000 Windows PCs in the world that's almost exactly TEN BILLION DOLLARS Gates can make EVERY YEAR. He really needs that money.
Postscript: BBC At It Again
The BBC are at it again. These are the conscientious journalists who at the behest of Microsoft hid the truth of the Love Bug for several days after the outbreak. And here they go again. Some choice quips.
Because Microsoft's Windows operating system is used on so many desktop PCs, it is by far the biggest target for net-based vandals and criminals.
Bullshit. Yes Windows is targeted because it's widespread, but for heavens sake wake up: it's targeted because it's easy. Other platforms are not at all as common, but they can't be compromised - period. The BBC are - most likely at the behest of Microsoft - implying that the situation you're in is inevitable. It isn't.
The launch comes as security firms warn of the emergence of a trojan that poses as a security update from Microsoft - the latest in a long line of viruses that try this trick.
Paid for advertising. Bill's happy. A little bit of a scare to get you to buy. How rich.
And note they not once point out that these things only happen on Windows.
What You Should Do Right Now
What you should do right now is wander over to Ubuntu.
Ubuntu, led by the humanitarian Mark Shuttleworth, will ship you up to TEN (10) CD sets of his super-secure and really cool operating system Ubuntu FOR FREE ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET.
Note: Ubuntu has all the software you need. You don't have to pay for any of it. It's all free.
That's right: not only is the software itself free, they ship it to you for free - anywhere on the planet. Read that again. And again. And again.
And you can order up to ten CD sets at once. And give them to your friends.
Each set includes two CDs. You get a 'live CD' so you can test Ubuntu before you install, and you get an 'install CD' so you can later install. With every set.
Do it now. Just do it.
Can't Find the Link?
Can't find the Ubuntu link? Here it is again. Click on any one of these.