Welcome to Apple Computer

Word of new flaws in the notebook line of Apple computers won't abate. Rixstep decided to step in and investigate. The following is a transcript of a telephone conversation between representatives of Rixstep and Apple Computer.

The number used was +1.4089744286. This officially belongs to one Kenneth Eddings but the likelihood of reaching this person and/or finding out who he is was slim.

A: Apple Computer! Good afternoon! How may we help you?
R: Is this Apple Computer?

A: Is what what?
R: Apple Computer. We dialed +1.4089744286.

A: Can you give that number again?
R: Surely. +1.4089744286.

A: OK, so what do you want?
R: Is that your number?

A: It might be.
R: Might be?

A: Yes. I can't say any more at this moment.
R: Can we speak to someone at Apple Computer?

A: There is no Apple Computer here.
R: We want to talk about the notebook issues.

A: The what? No one's here right now.
R: No one? The offices are empty?

A: Apparently so.
R: Can you give us a time to call back?

A: Call back to do what?
R: To speak to someone.

A: Whom do you wish to speak to?
R: Steve Jobs.

A: One moment please.
R: OK.

A: Hello? We have no one here by that name.
R: OK - Phil Schiller then.

A: One moment.
R: OK.

A: No, no one by that name either.
R: How about Bud Tribble?

A: Can you spell that?
R: B-u-d.

A: I know how to spell 'bud'.
R: OK, and 'T-r-i-b-b-l-e'.

A: One moment.
R: OK.

A: No, no one by that name either.
R: How about Tevanian? T-e-v-a-n-i-a-n?

A: Avadis Tevanian is no longer with the company.
R: So this is Apple Computer?

A: I didn't say that. I'm not allowed to comment.
R: Is anyone allowed to comment?

A: I'm not allowed to comment.
R: Can we speak to Jon Rubinstein?

A: Jon Rubinstein is no longer with the company.
R: We want answers.

A: So do we all.
R: About the notebook issues.

A: I see.
R: We want to know Apple recognise the issues.

A: What issues?
R: The overheating, the thermal grease, the bulging batteries.

A: I'm afraid I can't comment on that.
R: Can you connect us to someone who can?

A: There's no one here right now. I told you that.
R: Where are they then?

A: I'm afraid I can't comment.
R: So they're away for the day?

A: I'm not at liberty to say.
R: When will Steve Jobs be back?

A: Steve who?
R: Steve Jobs.

A: I don't have a listing for Steve Jobs.
R: This is Apple Computer?

A: I never said that.
R: Your address is One Infinite Loop?

A: I'm afraid I can't comment.
R: You are speaking to us from Cupertino California?

A: I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say.
R: But this is +1.4089744286?

A: Yes you know it is.
R: Thank you so much for your help.

A: You're welcome. Thank you for calling Apple Computer.

Copyright © Rixstep and The Ian Malcolm Research Institute. All rights reserved. Used by permission.