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CUPERTINO (Rixstep) — The Month of Apple Bugs is finally over, but all too many questions remain unanswered. It's now time to tell all. The following interview took place in the studios of Show TV on 1 February 2007. It was translated into English by Tėʼngā Źăvüğkŧn Jr.

Show TV: Welcome to our studios! The Month of Apple Bugs is finally over!
Rixstep: Thank you. Is it over? You seem glad. Are you?
Show TV: Actually I am.
Rixstep: That makes one of you.
Show TV: But it was a terrible thing they were doing!
Rixstep: It was?
Show TV: Of course! They were not giving Apple time to patch!
Rixstep: When people give Apple time to patch Apple don't patch.

Show TV: That's not what I heard.
Rixstep: Listen closer.
Show TV: People are saying you worked with the MOAB team.
Rixstep: Are they now!
Show TV: Yes. They are saying that you are the MOAB team.
Rixstep: Oh well OK. If you already know then why ask?
Show TV: They are also saying you wrote Opener.
Rixstep: Damn! That one's out too? How did they find out?

Show TV: And you also wrote InqTana and Oompa Loompa.
Rixstep: In for a penny in for a pound!
Show TV: So you admit all these things to be true?
Rixstep: Self evident even.
Show TV: And you were hired by what company to destroy goodwill towards Apple?
Rixstep: Oh that's easy.
Show TV: By Microsoft?
Rixstep: It's all about the Enderles.

Show TV: Others say none of this can be true.
Rixstep: What nutter would say that?
Show TV: They say they have certain facts.
Rixstep: Such as?
Show TV: Such as one of the MOAB team lives in Ohio in the US.
Rixstep: I believe so, yes.
Show TV: But that you are known to be island hopping in the Mediterranean.
Rixstep: True again. But that doesn't mean we're not all the same person.

Show TV: It doesn't?
Rixstep: No. Of course not. Say we get a good start on the day on Sardegna or wherever we happen to be.
Show TV: OK.
Rixstep: And then we put in a full day's work hunting down Apple bugs.
Show TV: OK.
Rixstep: And then we have an hour or so to go on #macdev to harass people.
Show TV: OK.
Rixstep: And then we catch the flight to Ohio. We arrive almost before we depart.

Show TV: How long does that take?
Rixstep: Couple of hours. We get dinner at home and half an hour of Conan.
Show TV: What do you think of Landon Fuller?
Rixstep: Are you serious? Have you seen his code?

   if(pid == 0)
       for (;;) {
   if(pid > 0)
       for (;;) {

Show TV: That's pretty lame!
Rixstep: No shit.
Show TV: System calls in a binary?
Rixstep: Exactly.

Show TV: Trying to impress someone he can use a compiler?
Rixstep: Something like that. He should stick with iPod shuffle.
Show TV: But wasn't he on the Apple BSD team?
Rixstep: Ever wondered why Apple's Unix is so fucked up?
Show TV: And now today he writes children's computer games?
Rixstep: Yeah. Killer titles like 'Bang! Howdy!' Great stuff.
Show TV: And backdated the advisory?
Rixstep: Yep. To 24 November. 800 IDs earlier. They caught it.

Show TV: So he got caught with his fingers in the cookie jar twice.
Rixstep: Yep. And he lied in the advisory too. His POC didn't even work.
Show TV: What an asshole.
Rixstep: Well yeah. He's a fanboy and a former Apple employee.
Show TV: And Rosnya Keller?
Rixstep: He's washed up.
Show TV: Really?
Rixstep: Everyone hopes so. You know Fuller insisted he didn't work for Rosnya.

Show TV: But he doesn't.
Rixstep: No? What's he been doing the past month?
Show TV: He's assembling a zero day response team for OS X.
Rixstep: Why don't Apple do that?
Show TV: I don't know.
Rixstep: Yes you do. But the more important question is why Landon's doing it.
Show TV: Because he wants to protect the platform?
Rixstep: He's got a day job. Playing Nintendo.

Show TV: He's moonlighting for the money?
Rixstep: Not likely. He's moonlighting as a favour to Rosnya.
Show TV: Because Rosnya's in trouble?
Rixstep: People are treating Rosnya like he's a disease. Even his own people.
Show TV: Tell us about LMH.
Rixstep: No.
Show TV: What do you mean?
Rixstep: What does it sound like?

Show TV: Do you know his true identity?
Rixstep: Do you think I'd tell you if I did?
Show TV: And the author of Opener?
Rixstep: A nice person. A very nice person.
Show TV: Really?
Rixstep: Yes really. And well educated, articulate, thoughtful. All the good stuff.
Show TV: But he's a hacker!
Rixstep: How do you know it's a 'he'?
Show TV: I just presumed.
Rixstep: Exactly.
Show TV: So it's a 'she'?
Rixstep: I didn't say that.
Show TV: And the author of Oompa Loompa?
Rixstep: He wrote a few times. We don't know who he is. We don't care either.
Show TV: Can you at least tell us who you are?
Rixstep: Of course. My name's Ilgaz Öcal.
Show TV: It's been really nice having you here in our studios.
Rixstep: Likewise. Istanbul's so much bigger than I imagined it.

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